A life so full
Goodbye, 2025.
It’s that time again–the week in between Christmas and New Year’s where nobody knows what day it is. Living in a blur I probably won’t remember. A lot of nonsense happening, a lot of TV shows playing whilst bed rotting, and a whole lot of holiday food leftovers waiting to be consumed. But every now and then, there are small slivers of comprehensive thoughts in this incomprehensible time: a scheduled 10PM end-of-year reflecting, because what I am if not a thought daughter in her old childhood home.
I started writing down “It was an okay year. Nothing spectacular.” But I flip through my digital diary and see how the year was just so full. Full of things I made, full of friends I have, full of occasions we celebrated, full of places I’ve been, full of inspiration, full of love. Despite these clenched fists and the curveballs of the year, life has been good. A year and life that is full.
It’s a pity how I’ve been less excited of things the more I grow old and the more I experience. I remember that line in a post that said “I’ve never been proud of an achievement, just relieved.” I want less of that. I have been so used to achieving things that I do not bother to revel in them. Just another thing off the list. When in reality, it was a thing off THE List.
I mentally slap myself because “Damn babe, stand up! You’re doing amazing, sweetie!!!” The good old you gotta stop and smell the roses or something.
I’m not everything I want to be, but I am in many ways what I would have wanted years ago. There is a younger version of me that is wishing for the things I have now. She is excited, she is hopeful, and she is so so brave. She knows what she wants and she knows in her heart that someday, she will get them. And God do I want this girl back. I want her to know she’s living the life from the list she made written with her glittery pen. Delusions do come true.
I tell myself that next year, I’m channeling her again. A girl who does things because she loves to and because she can. A girl who is not afraid to live life in whimsy. She believes that anything is possible, because, really, it is. Before she became the doer, she was an unhinged little dreamer.
Bringing back that little girl,
Louise
Happy holidays! Life (and my stomach) has been so full. Thank you for being part of my year and filling this life of mine.