Fever dream

Before the year fades away

A lot has happened in the time that I was gone. I barely recorded the moments. I tell myself that I lived them instead. And I did. I so gladly did. Though I am also regretting the lack of documentation. You see, my memory often betrays me. Faltering until it fades. Being with my grandmother that has dementia makes the line “Everything fades away” more believable. Not that I didn’t believe it before. I just also believe that ignorance is bliss. There are truths to life that I choose to ignore; this being one of them. But every now and then, ignorance can be futile. I do forget. And I want to have trophies to commemorate the highs; rough scabs to remind me of the wounds.

So here are puzzle pieces from the past two months of “inactivity.” To help remember – Art markets. A weekend trip. A wedding, green dress. Another wedding, pantsuit. Catch ups. Baking with expired butter. A second round of baking with newly bought butter. Haircut. Fairytales. Roses. Holiday romcoms. Twinkling lights everywhere. Being told that you did well. Asking if it was enough.

And here’s my last art for the year. A goodbye and a welcome. 2023 feels like a fever dream. It was tough but it made me tender. And soon, it will all just be a memory. A year that fades, just like the years before it.

It’s so hard to stay soft in a harsh world but this year taught me that being soft does not make you any less strong. I wish to stay tender and believe in the promise of something better.

Have a good year-end and an even better new year!

See you in 2024,
Louise

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#artvsartist2023

(A December 31 edit because the 2023 wrapped came in last minute.)

Doing my yearly accounting and computer clean-up, so here are my favorites in #artvsartist2023.

As the years go by, the stronger is the crippling feeling of not being able to accomplish things. Growing up with an engineer father and an accountant mother, I’ve always relied on math and numbers. So I count the things I do – even with my art. I often wish there is a formula to creating so I can make sure that I can keep doing it for as long as I can. Art is something I love to do but data is just something I trust more. The left and right sides of my brain are on a never-ending battle. I interchange T and F every few months for my Myers-Briggs type. I will then joke that these are just bi things, but whenever I ask “Is it enough? Is it worth it?” – the answers never add up.

Yes, I did make a lot this year. No, I did not make more than last year. I am learning that worth, though, is just not in numbers.

I love the art that I’ve created this year. I am from-the-bottom-of-my-heart grateful for the people who trusted me to visualize their thoughts and stories for them. Most of what I’ve done for work this year are more personal, both for myself and the lovely humans they’re for. And it is scary how the less art I make, the more of myself I bare in every piece; even when the outputs are not for me.

I may not be able to share them all, but each one matters. Tiny things, arts, and moments that I should really appreciate more of. Thank you for letting me create and share parts of me for another year.

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