It’s a thin thread between comfort and complacency, and lately I’ve been walking on that fine line.
TL;DR – Another existential crisis in the last year of my 20s. How fitting. She thinks she’s in a novel or something.
I want to say I’ve been thinking about what I want to do or be but that would be a lie. I haven’t. I haven’t wanted to be something in quite a while.
I know I still like doing what I do now because I also know how it feels to not to. But lately I often question myself if I do things because I genuinely enjoy them or because I don’t know what else there is to be doing.
I’ve talked with friends recently how I’m not particularly sad but I’m also just not excited for things. Not entirely happy. (But to say so is a bit hypocrital. I’ve been in much worse places.) It’s like I’ve lost passion for things and I’m just here. Being.
I grew a year older. Does this feeling come with age? Is this just how it is? Knowing that things are different but also the same. Here is fine. Here is okay. But it’s scary to be just here. It’s scary to be existing and not living. But it’s all I can bear at the moment.
There are these lines in 7dream’s new song, UNKNOWN, that I teared up to tonight. But as I state too much, I’m a Pisces and I will cry at many things.
No, never be scared of trying
To reach again the dreams
You momentarily forgot
To hear the voice of your heart
So, what if all of this could just be so easy just like?
I had three cakes this year with three sets of people I love. I’m here. I don’t know how long I’ll be just here, but my dreamies tell me that I can find myself again in the unknown.
Take it easy, no rush
I know you got it
Here,
Louise
March in moments and numbers
1 solo trip. 2 markets. 3 birthday cakes. 4ever in this 7dream sht.
P.S. No new art yet because I might not send this out if I overthink it some more. But here is a poster print I recently got that I stare at for comfort. It’s by a Thai artist I really like, @day.s.of.light.
P.P.S. To same age gurlie who dropped by Komiket and saw and small-talked about my “don’t freak out, we’re only twenty something” sticker and we somehow joked that next year it’ll be “let’s freak out, we’re now thirty something” – GURL I DON’T THINK IT’S A JOKE ANYMORE. I AM STILL THINKING ABOUT THIS SMALL INTERACTION. I hope you’re doing better than I am.