In defense of girl rotting
Because i fear i have become too comfortable
i fear i have become too comfortable with my girl rotting season. i could not stop wasting time. it is haunting to think that i used to equate it with wasting life, but i’ve found relief to giving in.
hours turn into days into weeks into months.
and i stay the same.
I've been wasting time searching
Never in on the joke
I think, taking my time is running in circles, and
I feel bored when I'm home alone, but-
i have been both chronically offline and online at the same time: replying to people has been such a daunting task, and scrolling comes as second nature. i saw this post that sums up how my months of absence has been – as one does when one has spent too much time on the internet that the algorithm has perceived thy self too well:
it took me two hours to get out the house yesterday. despite having planned it the day before: i would go outside, breathe in polluted air, work in a coffee shop, a new one i’ve been meaning to try. make a day out of it! i had loose deadlines, so i’m really just hanging out. but i am tired before i even start things. i kept asking myself “should i? should i not?” i already enjoyed playing the day so dearly in my head that i felt no need to actually go.
two hours and i eventually did.
And we can drive away from this adolescence
i’ve read from one of madeleine dore’s letters that if you are to experience a wave of fatigue on attempting to start something, then it’s a sign there is no waking energy there – the task needs more time in the unconscious.
i like this thought a lot. maybe a little too much as i’ve been basking in this unconscious so leisurely. i tell myself that i am taking my time, i am not wasting it.
“it is not time wasted if i enjoyed it.”
girl rotting,
girl resting,
Louise
(also just a girl making excuses)
on things i have been lovingly wasting time on:
doyoung’s solo album
catching up on my journals
scanning random pieces of papers before throwing them away
bridgerton polin season
that’s that’s me, espresso
making ice candy
2010s movies
thousands of saved photos on my phone
event alert
@journaltambay goes to the south! one of the few times i don’t second guess going out of the house. hang out with us if you can! we promise a fun day:
🗓 june 15
📍 nook studio, alabang
✏️ pop-up, workshops, + more!
this promo is also an excuse for me to dump my journal spreads for the past months:
xoxo