When it rains
On missing people. On being missed.
TL;DR: Happy 2nd birthday to this newsletter! Here’s another song from Epik High.
The older I get, the list of people and things I long for gets shorter. I haven’t concluded yet if that’s a good thing. Or if it’s just another coping mechanism – the less I want, the less I get, the less I have to lose (and eventually, miss.)
On a short day out with friends, we briefly talked about other friends that we’ve lost. People we just stopped talking to. How maybe some people are just there for certain parts of our lives. Half jokingly, in my head, for the plot. I know, though, that I am partly to blame for this, too – because I tend to withdraw whenever I’m having a hard time. But that is still too mortifying to admit out loud despite being so hyper-aware of most things wrong with me, so I agreed with the previous notion instead. We all have past lives that we lived. We all have somebody that we used to know. (And I am trying better to not detach and keep everything to myself.)
I do miss some people though. Like how I think of this childhood friend whenever I see a stray dog in one of my afternoon runs. Scared that it will chase after me; because of that one time we had to run our lungs out from one. In formal dresses we both hate. We jumped a fence and got ice cream after. Laughed about it for a week, at least. But this present stray dog just stares as I pass him by. Then I think of said old friend. And it makes me wonder I ever get thought of in the same way.
Sometimes, I think that this is just how it is. Like how it just faded till it ended – they just come back as a passing thought. A fleeting feeling. Sometimes, I let myself be tender, and I miss them for a short while.
I’ve been thinking about these lyrics from I Hated Myself (Tablo’s Words) a lot:
Tell me, who can love me when I hate me?
I've been feeling like I'm free-falling lately
Is anybody out there? Out there?
Will anybody care when I'm not here?
Must have been such a long process before Tablo could put this song out. I cried when I first listened to it. But then again, I cry a lot.
And another runner-up is BRB.
If you miss me, then call me
Don't worry, I'll be right back
Eventually, I chose to draw a different Epik High song for this letter. It rained a few nights ago and the sketch for Rain Song just visualized in my head. So I went with it. These 3 songs are all from the same album, and all had a common theme: missing a loved one. Being missed, in return.
When it rains
And I can't sleep
And sad music plays
Like the lyrics to an old song
I think of you
“This made me think of you” is one of the fondest things ever to be said. And I want to say it more. I don’t want the people I love to just become people I miss.
It’s been a while. I thought of you,
Louise
P.S. Why does my art look good when I’m struggling?
P.P.S. SCREEN TIME - EPIK HIGH FT. HOSHI ON NOVEMBER 1!! I AM ON MY HORANGHAE CLAWS. GO GET IT MY APPLE PIE MANIFESTING KING!!!